You know that nightmare you have of showing up to school naked?
You have no idea how you managed to leave the house without putting on clothes, but here you are, covering your genitals in front of a roomful of laughing strangers. For one teacher in Oklahoma, this wasn’t just a nightmare; it was a reality.
CBS Houston reports that teacher Lorie Hill is in a lot of trouble after being discovered drunk and pantsless (I am going to go ahead and call that naked in a professional situation) in a classroom at the school she had just been hired at. The instructor was discovered by two other faculty members in a classroom that Hill had claimed as her own (perhaps she had planted her pants as a classroom flag to welcome new students?) and was reluctant to leave.
In Hill’s defense, it appears that students were not yet back in class and that this first day was only for teachers to have meetings and decorate their classrooms and such. And who needs pants or sobriety for that? You think someone can’t just put up a couple of “hang in there” posters and organize a classroom library without wearing pants (or being sober)? It’s not like they give you magical organizing powers. But if there is one magical power that pants and not drinking on the job can give you, it’s the ability to retain your job, something that Hill is unlikely to do because while drinking naked at home is fine (what do you think we do when we’re working the night shift?), going to work like that is really fucked up and probably indicative of a real problem.
School officials called the police and Hill was taken into custody after someone found her a pair of shorts. She was arrested for public intoxication (it wasn’t clear whether she had driven herself to school while under the influence) and her case is currently being investigated by the school. Parents, understandably, are not happy with the situation:
“I don’t know, as an adult, I just don’t know how you can be a professional teacher and teaching young people, and then show up drunk,” Frank Sandiford, a parent of a Wagoner student, told KOKI.
Confidential to Hill: Wait until you get home from your first day before you take off your pants, wave them around like you just don’t care and pour yourself a big, tall glass of delicious Costco-brand vodka. Otherwise, there might not be a day two.